Didn't take long for RjL to weasel his way back into my life. I was so gullible.
We'd see each other when we could. But I mainly hung out with hot tamale & T.F. We did crazy stuff that summer, lol. We'd sneak out late at night, meet up with people, go to the beach, typical teenage stuff. I remember once we snuck out and got pulled over by the cops and hot tamale somehow convinced the cops to just take us home and not talk to our parents.
Started smoking more weed over that summer, pretty regularly. Started drinking too.
Time for tenth grade....
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
first mistakes...
Walking by that Viking, I thought wow this is awesome. I am a freshman in highschool. Soon as I got in the halls though, I was like damn.... SOOO many people. I've always been small and sometimes shy. Some of the friends I had in middle school went to highschool with me, but some went to different schools. But I still had T.F., T.B., B.C., & C.C. (you ladies know who you are)
The boy I had met at the end of 8th grade was at this highschool though. Wasn't long before we were hanging out a lot. He introduced me to all his friends as his girlfriend. Things were great. I had my friends and his to hang out in the halls with. Had my first "love". I was 14.
I'd tell my mom I was going to a girlfriends house, and really go to his. We'd do things teenagers do.... But I wasn't ready for sex. He get mad. Started pushing me around. Throwing me up against walls. I left. Called my mom to come get me.
By now, I'd started smoking cigarettes, drinking, and occasionally smoking weed. (the boyfriend I had smoked weed all the time)
Then after Christmas break, he started acting different. Kinda controlling, I guess you could say. The friends I had made when I moved to Florida from Kentucky, he didn't like. So I stopped hanging out with them as much, eventually didn't hang out with them at all. His friends were the only ones he let me hang out with, and they were what everyone called the skaters or the outcast crowd. He always had to know what I was doing when I was doing it and with who. I was 15 now.
Then I met Hot Tamale (not gonna use real names only nicknames), we quickly became great friends. She warned me early on to quit seeing RjL. She saw something I didn't obviously. I broke up with him a few times, but I'd always take him back when he'd come begging to have me back in his life.
I started skipping late afternoon classes. RjL lived right next to the school, we'd all go over his house while his mom wasn't there. We'd all get stoned and do stupid shit. But if one of his guy friends looked at me wrong, he'd drag me to another room, screaming at me- Like I had done something wrong. He'd push me around.
Then he moved out of that house into another and one day I was supposed to go to school, I skipped. One of his buddies picked me up and dropped me off at his new place. When I got there, I felt scared but excited. This was gonna be my first time.
RjL wasn't a gentle type person, to say the least. I screamed and cried the entire time. Screaming stop it hurts. But he didn't.
I missed school for a few days after that. I hurt so bad.
When I did come back to school, of course he'd told all his buddies..... I was so embarrased. Told them I screamed so loud cause he was so good.
I broke up with him a few days later...
Summer break....
The boy I had met at the end of 8th grade was at this highschool though. Wasn't long before we were hanging out a lot. He introduced me to all his friends as his girlfriend. Things were great. I had my friends and his to hang out in the halls with. Had my first "love". I was 14.
I'd tell my mom I was going to a girlfriends house, and really go to his. We'd do things teenagers do.... But I wasn't ready for sex. He get mad. Started pushing me around. Throwing me up against walls. I left. Called my mom to come get me.
By now, I'd started smoking cigarettes, drinking, and occasionally smoking weed. (the boyfriend I had smoked weed all the time)
Then after Christmas break, he started acting different. Kinda controlling, I guess you could say. The friends I had made when I moved to Florida from Kentucky, he didn't like. So I stopped hanging out with them as much, eventually didn't hang out with them at all. His friends were the only ones he let me hang out with, and they were what everyone called the skaters or the outcast crowd. He always had to know what I was doing when I was doing it and with who. I was 15 now.
Then I met Hot Tamale (not gonna use real names only nicknames), we quickly became great friends. She warned me early on to quit seeing RjL. She saw something I didn't obviously. I broke up with him a few times, but I'd always take him back when he'd come begging to have me back in his life.
I started skipping late afternoon classes. RjL lived right next to the school, we'd all go over his house while his mom wasn't there. We'd all get stoned and do stupid shit. But if one of his guy friends looked at me wrong, he'd drag me to another room, screaming at me- Like I had done something wrong. He'd push me around.
Then he moved out of that house into another and one day I was supposed to go to school, I skipped. One of his buddies picked me up and dropped me off at his new place. When I got there, I felt scared but excited. This was gonna be my first time.
RjL wasn't a gentle type person, to say the least. I screamed and cried the entire time. Screaming stop it hurts. But he didn't.
I missed school for a few days after that. I hurt so bad.
When I did come back to school, of course he'd told all his buddies..... I was so embarrased. Told them I screamed so loud cause he was so good.
I broke up with him a few days later...
Summer break....
something a little off subject, but I needed to go ahead and get this said...Someone may need to read this & understand things that are right and aren't
Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Children who witnesses domestic violence against his or her parent is a victim of domestic violence as well. Approximately five million children witness domestic violence in their homes each year. A child may be a witness to his or her parent being emotionally abused, physically abused, economically abused and/or even sexually abused.
No matter how hard a parent tries to shield their child from the abuse he or she receives from an abusive partner, the child usually knows what is occurring. Even a young infant can tune into the tension and emotional feelings of his or her mother.
Most children will experience problems if they live in a violent home and witness a parent being abused. Children who witness abuse are more inclined to have behavior and emotional problems. Some children will develop psychosomatic disorders. This may include bed-wetting, school problems, night terrors, stuttering, excessive fear and crying. Children may experience depression, suicidal behaviors and phobias if they are kept in a violent household.
Older children may blame themselves for the abuse a parent receives. Older children may even step into the abuse to direct the attention onto themselves and off of the battered parent. There is a great risk that children who witness abuse may grow up thinking that violence is the only means to resolve emotional and relationship conflicts. Boys who grow up in an abusive home are more likely to batter their future partners versus boys who grow up in a nonviolent home. Children who have witnessed abuse to a parent are also more likely to drink alcohol and abuse drugs.
Children who live in a domestically violent home will suffer some form of neglect, be it physical or emotional. It isn’t always just the mother who is abused, but the children may be abused as well. Many adults who were abused when they were children report that witnessing the abuse to their mother was harder for them to deal with then the abuse they personally received.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.
Domestic Violence
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence defined as any hurtful or unwanted behavior perpetrated upon an individual by an intimate or prior intimate. Domestic violence can include emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse or economic abuse.
Domestic abuse is used as a form of control or manipulation by the abuser. Domestic violence can occur in a marriage or in a romantic relationship. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by an ex-husband or ex-wife, or by anyone where there is a family tie.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Between three and four million women are abused by someone they trust each year in the United States. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, the number one cause of injuries to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four is physical domestic abuse. The numbers and statistics on file do not account for the countless cases of domestic violence which goes unreported.
- About 25% of all attempted suicides by women can be attributed to women who are in abusive relationships.
- Drug abuse is more prevalent in women who are being abused.
- About 30% of all homicides against women occurs in a domestic violence relationship.
- Nearly five million children witness acts of violence against their mother each year.
Cycle of Abuse
A cycle of abuse occurs in most domestic violence situations. A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse. Stages of Abuse
Domestic violence has three main stages. These stages will vary in time and intensity, but they are generally present in all instances of domestic violence.
Stage One: Tension Building
During stage one of domestic violence, small physical assaults may occur. Usually, the victim is able to calm down the abuser through techniques he or she has learned from dealing with the abuser in the past. Many abuse victims will inwardly deny that their partners are abusing them. They may smooth over the small isolated assaults and make excuses for the abusers in their minds. However, many abuse victims do recognize that these small incidents will generally escalate and lead to a bigger, more dangerous incident. Victims seem to take it upon themselves to keep things running smoothly so as not to aggravate the abuser. The psychological stress that a victim endures during this stage is brutal.
Stage Two: Explosion
During stage two of domestic violence, nothing the victim can do or say can appease or stop the abuser’s violence. All of the tensions from stage one are released. The abuser has no self-control and can severely injure his or her partner. The abuser is in a blind rage and is oblivious to the damage he or she is inflicting on his or her partner. This phase of the cycle is generally shorter than the other two stages. However, the abuse that a victim endures during this stage is tormenting.
Stage Three: Calm/Relief
Stage three of domestic violence is welcomed by both the abuser and the victim. Tension and brutality has been released and loving kindness is put in its place. The abuser will be very remorseful, charming and warm. Promises are made to the victim and the abuser may shed tears. Both the abuser and the victim want to believe that it will never happen again. Stage three is when most victims of domestic violence get the courage to leave.
Battered Women’s Syndrome
Battered Women’s Syndrome is considered to be a form of Post-Traumatic Stress. Battered Women’s Syndrome is a recognized psychological condition that is used to describe someone who has been the victim of consistent and/or severe domestic violence. To be classified as a battered woman, a woman has to have been through two cycles of abuse.
What is a Cycle of Abuse?
A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse.
A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse.
A son, who is repeatedly either verbally or physically abused by his father, will predictably treat his own children in the same way. When a daughter hears her mother frequently tear down, belittle, and criticize her father, she will adapt a learned behavior which involves control through verbal abuse. Similarly, a child who witnesses his parents engaging in abusive behaviors toward one another, will very likely subject his or her spouse to the same abusive patterns. These are examples of generational abuse.
The episodic cycle of abuse is characterized by distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal and/or physical abuse. Typically, victims of episodic abuse live in denial of this reoccurring pattern.
The episodic cycle of abuse is characterized by distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal and/or physical abuse. Typically, victims of episodic abuse live in denial of this reoccurring pattern.
Stages of Battered Women's Syndrome
There are generally four stages in the battered women’s syndrome.
Stage One–Denial
Stage one of battered women's syndrome occurs when the battered woman denies to others, and to herself, that there is a problem. Most battered women will make up excuses for why their partners have an abusive incident. Battered women will generally believe that the abuse will never happen again.
Stage Two–Guilt
Stage two of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman truly recognizes or acknowledges that there is a problem in her relationship. She recognizes she has been the victim of abuse and that she may be beaten again. During this stage, most battered women will take on the blame or responsibility of any beatings they may receive. Battered women will begin to question their own characters and try harder to live up their partners “expectations.”
Stage Three-Enlightenment
Stage three of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman starts to understand that no one deserves to be beaten. A battered woman comes to see that the beatings she receives from her partner are not justified. She also recognizes that her partner has a serious problem. However, she stays with her abuser in an attempt to keep the relationship in tact with hopes of future change.
Stage Four–Responsibility
Stage four of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman recognizes that her abuser has a problem that only he can fix. Battered women in this stage come to understand that nothing they can do or say can help their abusers. Battered women in this stage choose to take the necessary steps to leave their abusers and begin to start new lives.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
What is Emotional and/or Psychological Abuse?
Emotional/psychological domestic abuse is the infliction of psychological or emotional suffering or fear, including actions that lead to fear of violence, to isolation or deprivation, feelings of shame, loss of dignity, humiliation, intimidation or powerlessness.
Emotional/psychological domestic abuse is often done in such a way that the abuser strips his or her victim of their identity and ability to control his or her own thoughts and actions. In many cases emotional abuse is gradual. It can take years before the victim realizes that they are a victim of emotional abuse.
Why Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse in a domestic setting is perpetrated by an abuser who wants to mold or create his or her partner into who he or she thinks their partner should be. Many times the abuser strives to turn his or her victim into who they are, so their victim does not feel or perceive himself or herself as a separate human being. Yet, the abuser does not truly like himself or herself so the victims of emotional abuse usually come to represent all the abuser’s fears.
Victims of Emotional Abuse
Victims of emotional abuse will question whether they have good judgment, separate and apart from their partner. Emotionally abused victims in a domestic setting generally feel that they are wrong and that everything is their fault. Many times when the abuser has an affair, loses a job or any other issue, the abuser makes his or her partner feel as if it is their fault.
Emotionally/psychologically abused victims are also manipulated into feeling that they are not worthy of the relationship with the abuser. Victims of emotional abuse come to feel they could not function without their abuser and that they are not capable of being on their own. They may be reprimanded by their abuser for asking simple questions, or told they are ignorant or unattractive. Victims of emotional abuse are often the targets of name calling, degradation and embarrassment.
At its extreme, emotional and psychological abuse can take the form of starving and isolating the victim--with isolation being the more common occurrence in a domestic setting. Many victims of emotional and psychological abuse are not permitted to leave their homes, answer their doors or telephones, shop or even attend a child’s school function. The abuser will control where a victim goes, who he or she visits with, and who the individual is allowed to interact with within their own extended families.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Middle School in Florida
Time passed pretty fast from 6th grade up to 8th. Had some good friends, but towards the end of 8th grade, I started hanging out with a totally different group of people. Wild kids, fun times, party people. I seemed to fit right in. I still hung out with my other friends but I for some reason gravitated toward the outcast crowd. Toward the end of 8th grade, I mean right at the end (maybe last week or two of school), I met my first serious boyfriend... (but we didn't start a relationship until that next school year in high school). He was a redhead, I loved red/light headed blue eyed guys.... Smoked weed for the first time during the summer after 8th grade.
I was a great student... Straight A's. Perfect student.... But I messed all that up.....
I was a great student... Straight A's. Perfect student.... But I messed all that up.....
Scars
Scars come in many forms
Some emotional
Some physical
But every scar you have
Shows that you
can & will survive
Life out there
Florida,,,, the early yrs
Dad got a REALLY good job. Things were going good. I started school. I was shy at first, but people started approaching me, they liked my accent, lol. I was doing really great. Everything was good!
Then something happened, dad's nose wouldn't quit bleeding. He was in the hospital for a long time. Even longer then he normally would have because he was going through dt's of alchohol or something. (Alchohol doesn't make your nose hemorage, but whatever.) He eventually came home. My mom tried so hard to keep him from drinking, but she eventually gave in (as most of us helpers do) and let him drink.
My mom was defeated at this point I think. I don't think she cared anymore. She got really sad. She missed Ky. She started staying angry. I think she didn't like anything anymore. After you try to help someone for so long, you do get defeated.... She stopped fighting with him, just let him do what he wanted.
Then the abuse turned towards me again. He would push me around. She would get in between us when we'd fight. I would get in between them, when they were fighting once I got big enough too. FIghting fighting fighting.... Thats what I grew up around. Addiction and fighting.....
Then something happened, dad's nose wouldn't quit bleeding. He was in the hospital for a long time. Even longer then he normally would have because he was going through dt's of alchohol or something. (Alchohol doesn't make your nose hemorage, but whatever.) He eventually came home. My mom tried so hard to keep him from drinking, but she eventually gave in (as most of us helpers do) and let him drink.
My mom was defeated at this point I think. I don't think she cared anymore. She got really sad. She missed Ky. She started staying angry. I think she didn't like anything anymore. After you try to help someone for so long, you do get defeated.... She stopped fighting with him, just let him do what he wanted.
Then the abuse turned towards me again. He would push me around. She would get in between us when we'd fight. I would get in between them, when they were fighting once I got big enough too. FIghting fighting fighting.... Thats what I grew up around. Addiction and fighting.....
Dad goes away....& I disappear
Dad went to Florida,,, I was told to look for work.... IDK. I've heard different reasons since I've been an adult. He was down there for a while before he came for us. And when he did come for us, it was Christmas, I had just turned 11. We moved on CHRISTMAS??!! One day in Ky with my friends, next in a strange state with no friends. We lived with a strange man when we up and just disappeared to Florida. Didn't come back to Ky for a while. Dad didn't come back. Just my mom would come drop me and my brother off for the summer and spring breaks at my Memaw & Pepaws.
I didn't want to move to Florida. Didn't want to leave. I remember crying. I remember leaving school that last day before Christmas break, knowing I wouldn't see my friends again. I was so sad. Everyone knew I was moving, I just didn't say to where. All my friends had written me letters or given me pictures (I lost those a long time ago- wish I still had em).
I didn't want to move to Florida. Didn't want to leave. I remember crying. I remember leaving school that last day before Christmas break, knowing I wouldn't see my friends again. I was so sad. Everyone knew I was moving, I just didn't say to where. All my friends had written me letters or given me pictures (I lost those a long time ago- wish I still had em).
School....
I remember going to school with bruises on my arms and legs and teachers asking me where they had come from. I was always a clumsy girl. good at keeping secrets.....
the abuse runs deep
When I was around 10 or so (not really sure of the age), I got into my moms makeup and perfume. (as most little girls do) Well, my dad was drunk. Came in and seen me, called me a little whore and started beating me on the back. That was the first time he'd really hit me.
The affairs... Gonna hurt some people here but hey... wth
My mom and dad had a rocky marriage to say the least.
My dad like to go to bars and wherever else... IDK. I remember he was working for someone in Hickman. He met a woman there. I vaguely remember her. He would take me to a certain bar in Hickman (can't remember the name of that one). TN Poolroom was ok, but I didn't much like this bar. Mean looking people in it. My dad was a smooth talker, could get what he wanted easily (guess that's where I get that from). I would play dominoes or pool (sometimes I'd just sit outside the door) while he sat at a bar with some woman (Everytime we went to this bar, he wouldn't meet this woman, but she was there alot). My mom found out, and I remember her trying to put her foot down. My dad would deny deny deny. But I saw it, but I kept silent. (I always have kept secrets well).... I think I remember my mom either calling her or confronting her face to face, I think it was face to face. Not long after that, my dad had no job. He did construction.
Wow, at the fights. Sometimes mom & dad would nearly get in full blown fist fights. My mom wasn't afraid to throw one back.... Yelling, lots of yelling. Unhappiness.
Mom got pregnant with a baby. After many years of trying to get pregnant, out of no where she got pregnant with a baby boy. What my dad had always wanted. A Boy, a namesake. But after he was born, his drinking picked up a lot... IDK why, it just did?!
And I am not bashing my dad by any means, I loved my dad. I was a daddy's girl despite the fact of his problems. We did spend time together, but I remember him constantly having a beer in his hand (or in a cup-if we were driving down the road). We'd go fishing, play volleyball, and I would sit in his lap anytime he was home and watch tv. He loved frogs, lol, loved to eat em- ha ha. He taught me to play solitaire. He LOVED to play solitaire. I'd sit and watch him play. I remember moms and dads friends coming over and them playing dominoes, rook, rummie, or whatever. Having little get togethers at our house was a regular thing for a while. I got to where I'd perform for everyone (always have been a lil bit of a show off). I'd dance and sing oldies. Put on my poodle skirt and just dance around. There were good times, but in a whole, the bad out weighs the good.
My dad like to go to bars and wherever else... IDK. I remember he was working for someone in Hickman. He met a woman there. I vaguely remember her. He would take me to a certain bar in Hickman (can't remember the name of that one). TN Poolroom was ok, but I didn't much like this bar. Mean looking people in it. My dad was a smooth talker, could get what he wanted easily (guess that's where I get that from). I would play dominoes or pool (sometimes I'd just sit outside the door) while he sat at a bar with some woman (Everytime we went to this bar, he wouldn't meet this woman, but she was there alot). My mom found out, and I remember her trying to put her foot down. My dad would deny deny deny. But I saw it, but I kept silent. (I always have kept secrets well).... I think I remember my mom either calling her or confronting her face to face, I think it was face to face. Not long after that, my dad had no job. He did construction.
Wow, at the fights. Sometimes mom & dad would nearly get in full blown fist fights. My mom wasn't afraid to throw one back.... Yelling, lots of yelling. Unhappiness.
Mom got pregnant with a baby. After many years of trying to get pregnant, out of no where she got pregnant with a baby boy. What my dad had always wanted. A Boy, a namesake. But after he was born, his drinking picked up a lot... IDK why, it just did?!
And I am not bashing my dad by any means, I loved my dad. I was a daddy's girl despite the fact of his problems. We did spend time together, but I remember him constantly having a beer in his hand (or in a cup-if we were driving down the road). We'd go fishing, play volleyball, and I would sit in his lap anytime he was home and watch tv. He loved frogs, lol, loved to eat em- ha ha. He taught me to play solitaire. He LOVED to play solitaire. I'd sit and watch him play. I remember moms and dads friends coming over and them playing dominoes, rook, rummie, or whatever. Having little get togethers at our house was a regular thing for a while. I got to where I'd perform for everyone (always have been a lil bit of a show off). I'd dance and sing oldies. Put on my poodle skirt and just dance around. There were good times, but in a whole, the bad out weighs the good.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My Daddy
I loved my daddy. But daddy had lots of Demons.The main being alcohol.
For as long as I can remember, he'd always have a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other. But dad wasn't a bad guy (all the time). He had his moments of Greatness.
My dad used to take me most places dads wouldn't take their daughters. He used to take me to the TN poolroom at a real young age. I can still remember the smell. (stale beer, cigarettes, pee, and a smell I didn't know back then but do now... weed)
When I was real young, my dad didn't drink as much, but about the time my brother was born when I was 7. His drinking picked up a lot.
I do remember my mom and dad fighting a LOT. Some physical fights, some just verbal (but abuse is abuse) Those are the main memories I have of them together.They'd fight, me and mom would leave then we'd come back. My mom always tried to help my dad with his addiction to alcohol. That is where I learned the "I need to help people who don't want to be fixed" problem that I have. From my mom and dad. Dependency & co-dependency, was learned at a young age. I ended up with a touch of both.
Addiction runs in my family, both sides. My dad was an alcoholic not sure what else... I have heard rumors of other things, but I'm not sure.
I loved my dad.... Just wish he had chose us instead of the alcohol.
For as long as I can remember, he'd always have a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other. But dad wasn't a bad guy (all the time). He had his moments of Greatness.
My dad used to take me most places dads wouldn't take their daughters. He used to take me to the TN poolroom at a real young age. I can still remember the smell. (stale beer, cigarettes, pee, and a smell I didn't know back then but do now... weed)
When I was real young, my dad didn't drink as much, but about the time my brother was born when I was 7. His drinking picked up a lot.
I do remember my mom and dad fighting a LOT. Some physical fights, some just verbal (but abuse is abuse) Those are the main memories I have of them together.They'd fight, me and mom would leave then we'd come back. My mom always tried to help my dad with his addiction to alcohol. That is where I learned the "I need to help people who don't want to be fixed" problem that I have. From my mom and dad. Dependency & co-dependency, was learned at a young age. I ended up with a touch of both.
Addiction runs in my family, both sides. My dad was an alcoholic not sure what else... I have heard rumors of other things, but I'm not sure.
I loved my dad.... Just wish he had chose us instead of the alcohol.
My first hero
My first hero and most influential male figure would most definitely have to be my Pepaw (Thomas Richard Cole)...
When I was a little girl, we lived across from his house, in what everyone called the little house. I'd walk across the yard from my house to his and beat on the door because I couldn't open the door. He'd come to the door, scoop me up and I would ask him for a pepi (Pepsi). He'd give me a Pepsi (back in the day Pepsi's came in tall glass bottles, I remember him telling me the bottle would be half my size, lol) & I'd walk back to my house.
I remember sitting and watching my Pepaw sitting on the front porch, he & I stayed out there a lot. When I was a little girl, I didn't know the demons he had fought in his past, didn't know he'd fought in WWII.
I remember sometimes his eyes would just tear up out of no where. He had a heavy heart, but he always kept it inside. Sometimes when he thought no one was around, he'd sit outside his garage and play his guitar and sing. Maybe that's partially where my love for music comes from. He'd sing old Hank songs. Sad sad songs. He was such a wise man. He would tell me things, types of advice (like he knew he wouldn't be here when I'd need him most) I remember him telling me, "No matter what happens to you in your life, you can never give up" "Always remember that God is there for you in your darkest hours" "You will be faced with many troubles, never let them take control of you". There were so many pieces of advice he'd give on that front porch. He loved to watch me do cart wheels and hand stands and climb trees, lol. We'd watch wrestling late at night, he'd wake me up after memaw would go to bed so we could spend time alone together! He taught me to fish...He was the first to let me drive a car (at like 7) sitting in his lap. Memaw used to get so mad!! I'd drive the tractor. I spent a lot of time with my Pepaw during the summers of my childhood.
I remember I'd sneak into his garage and "work" on things. And he'd holler AIMEE MARIE, I'd smile and he would smile back shaking his head and hug me.
He was a very strong man, but he also seemed broken in a way too. We are all broken in on way or another. As we are all strong. You just have to learn to balance the two.
I loved my Pepaw.
When I was a little girl, we lived across from his house, in what everyone called the little house. I'd walk across the yard from my house to his and beat on the door because I couldn't open the door. He'd come to the door, scoop me up and I would ask him for a pepi (Pepsi). He'd give me a Pepsi (back in the day Pepsi's came in tall glass bottles, I remember him telling me the bottle would be half my size, lol) & I'd walk back to my house.
I remember sitting and watching my Pepaw sitting on the front porch, he & I stayed out there a lot. When I was a little girl, I didn't know the demons he had fought in his past, didn't know he'd fought in WWII.
I remember sometimes his eyes would just tear up out of no where. He had a heavy heart, but he always kept it inside. Sometimes when he thought no one was around, he'd sit outside his garage and play his guitar and sing. Maybe that's partially where my love for music comes from. He'd sing old Hank songs. Sad sad songs. He was such a wise man. He would tell me things, types of advice (like he knew he wouldn't be here when I'd need him most) I remember him telling me, "No matter what happens to you in your life, you can never give up" "Always remember that God is there for you in your darkest hours" "You will be faced with many troubles, never let them take control of you". There were so many pieces of advice he'd give on that front porch. He loved to watch me do cart wheels and hand stands and climb trees, lol. We'd watch wrestling late at night, he'd wake me up after memaw would go to bed so we could spend time alone together! He taught me to fish...He was the first to let me drive a car (at like 7) sitting in his lap. Memaw used to get so mad!! I'd drive the tractor. I spent a lot of time with my Pepaw during the summers of my childhood.
I remember I'd sneak into his garage and "work" on things. And he'd holler AIMEE MARIE, I'd smile and he would smile back shaking his head and hug me.
He was a very strong man, but he also seemed broken in a way too. We are all broken in on way or another. As we are all strong. You just have to learn to balance the two.
I loved my Pepaw.
First Memories....
My childhood was full of crazy stuff.... But one of my very first memories was not such a good one.
I don't remember how old I was, but my mom and dad were fighting... Really bad...Dad was pushing mom around and she pushed him back and he fell into a closet (if I remember it right) and we left....But we always came back...
My dad was an alcoholic...
I don't remember how old I was, but my mom and dad were fighting... Really bad...Dad was pushing mom around and she pushed him back and he fell into a closet (if I remember it right) and we left....But we always came back...
My dad was an alcoholic...
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