something a little off subject, but I needed to go ahead and get this said...Someone may need to read this & understand things that are right and aren't

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Children who witnesses domestic violence against his or her parent is a victim of domestic violence as well. Approximately five million children witness domestic violence in their homes each year. A child may be a witness to his or her parent being emotionally abused, physically abused, economically abused and/or even sexually abused.

No matter how hard a parent tries to shield their child from the abuse he or she receives from an abusive partner, the child usually knows what is occurring. Even a young infant can tune into the tension and emotional feelings of his or her mother.

Most children will experience problems if they live in a violent home and witness a parent being abused. Children who witness abuse are more inclined to have behavior and emotional problems. Some children will develop psychosomatic disorders. This may include bed-wetting, school problems, night terrors, stuttering, excessive fear and crying. Children may experience depression, suicidal behaviors and phobias if they are kept in a violent household.

Older children may blame themselves for the abuse a parent receives. Older children may even step into the abuse to direct the attention onto themselves and off of the battered parent. There is a great risk that children who witness abuse may grow up thinking that violence is the only means to resolve emotional and relationship conflicts. Boys who grow up in an abusive home are more likely to batter their future partners versus boys who grow up in a nonviolent home. Children who have witnessed abuse to a parent are also more likely to drink alcohol and abuse drugs.

Children who live in a domestically violent home will suffer some form of neglect, be it physical or emotional. It isn’t always just the mother who is abused, but the children may be abused as well. Many adults who were abused when they were children report that witnessing the abuse to their mother was harder for them to deal with then the abuse they personally received.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.

Domestic Violence

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence defined as any hurtful or unwanted behavior perpetrated upon an individual by an intimate or prior intimate. Domestic violence can include emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse or economic abuse.

Domestic abuse is used as a form of control or manipulation by the abuser. Domestic violence can occur in a marriage or in a romantic relationship. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by an ex-husband or ex-wife, or by anyone where there is a family tie.

Domestic Violence Statistics

Between three and four million women are abused by someone they trust each year in the United States. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, the number one cause of injuries to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four is physical domestic abuse. The numbers and statistics on file do not account for the countless cases of domestic violence which goes unreported.

• About 25% of all attempted suicides by women can be attributed to women who are in abusive relationships.
• Drug abuse is more prevalent in women who are being abused.
• About 30% of all homicides against women occurs in a domestic violence relationship.
• Nearly five million children witness acts of violence against their mother each year.

Cycle of Abuse

A cycle of abuse occurs in most domestic violence situations. A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse.
Stages of Abuse
Domestic violence has three main stages. These stages will vary in time and intensity, but they are generally present in all instances of domestic violence.
Stage One: Tension Building
During stage one of domestic violence, small physical assaults may occur. Usually, the victim is able to calm down the abuser through techniques he or she has learned from dealing with the abuser in the past. Many abuse victims will inwardly deny that their partners are abusing them. They may smooth over the small isolated assaults and make excuses for the abusers in their minds. However, many abuse victims do recognize that these small incidents will generally escalate and lead to a bigger, more dangerous incident. Victims seem to take it upon themselves to keep things running smoothly so as not to aggravate the abuser. The psychological stress that a victim endures during this stage is brutal.
Stage Two: Explosion
During stage two of domestic violence, nothing the victim can do or say can appease or stop the abuser’s violence. All of the tensions from stage one are released. The abuser has no self-control and can severely injure his or her partner. The abuser is in a blind rage and is oblivious to the damage he or she is inflicting on his or her partner. This phase of the cycle is generally shorter than the other two stages. However, the abuse that a victim endures during this stage is tormenting.
Stage Three: Calm/Relief
Stage three of domestic violence is welcomed by both the abuser and the victim. Tension and brutality has been released and loving kindness is put in its place. The abuser will be very remorseful, charming and warm. Promises are made to the victim and the abuser may shed tears. Both the abuser and the victim want to believe that it will never happen again. Stage three is when most victims of domestic violence get the courage to leave.

Battered Women’s Syndrome

Battered Women’s Syndrome is considered to be a form of Post-Traumatic Stress. Battered Women’s Syndrome is a recognized psychological condition that is used to describe someone who has been the victim of consistent and/or severe domestic violence. To be classified as a battered woman, a woman has to have been through two cycles of abuse.

What is a Cycle of Abuse?

A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse.

A son, who is repeatedly either verbally or physically abused by his father, will predictably treat his own children in the same way. When a daughter hears her mother frequently tear down, belittle, and criticize her father, she will adapt a learned behavior which involves control through verbal abuse. Similarly, a child who witnesses his parents engaging in abusive behaviors toward one another, will very likely subject his or her spouse to the same abusive patterns. These are examples of generational abuse.
The episodic cycle of abuse is characterized by distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal and/or physical abuse. Typically, victims of episodic abuse live in denial of this reoccurring pattern.

Stages of Battered Women's Syndrome

There are generally four stages in the battered women’s syndrome.

Stage One–Denial

Stage one of battered women's syndrome occurs when the battered woman denies to others, and to herself, that there is a problem. Most battered women will make up excuses for why their partners have an abusive incident. Battered women will generally believe that the abuse will never happen again.

Stage Two–Guilt

Stage two of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman truly recognizes or acknowledges that there is a problem in her relationship. She recognizes she has been the victim of abuse and that she may be beaten again. During this stage, most battered women will take on the blame or responsibility of any beatings they may receive. Battered women will begin to question their own characters and try harder to live up their partners “expectations.”

Stage Three-Enlightenment

Stage three of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman starts to understand that no one deserves to be beaten. A battered woman comes to see that the beatings she receives from her partner are not justified. She also recognizes that her partner has a serious problem. However, she stays with her abuser in an attempt to keep the relationship in tact with hopes of future change.

Stage Four–Responsibility

Stage four of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman recognizes that her abuser has a problem that only he can fix. Battered women in this stage come to understand that nothing they can do or say can help their abusers. Battered women in this stage choose to take the necessary steps to leave their abusers and begin to start new lives.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

What is Emotional and/or Psychological Abuse?

Emotional/psychological domestic abuse is the infliction of psychological or emotional suffering or fear, including actions that lead to fear of violence, to isolation or deprivation, feelings of shame, loss of dignity, humiliation, intimidation or powerlessness.

Emotional/psychological domestic abuse is often done in such a way that the abuser strips his or her victim of their identity and ability to control his or her own thoughts and actions. In many cases emotional abuse is gradual. It can take years before the victim realizes that they are a victim of emotional abuse.

Why Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse in a domestic setting is perpetrated by an abuser who wants to mold or create his or her partner into who he or she thinks their partner should be. Many times the abuser strives to turn his or her victim into who they are, so their victim does not feel or perceive himself or herself as a separate human being. Yet, the abuser does not truly like himself or herself so the victims of emotional abuse usually come to represent all the abuser’s fears.

Victims of Emotional Abuse

Victims of emotional abuse will question whether they have good judgment, separate and apart from their partner. Emotionally abused victims in a domestic setting generally feel that they are wrong and that everything is their fault. Many times when the abuser has an affair, loses a job or any other issue, the abuser makes his or her partner feel as if it is their fault.

Emotionally/psychologically abused victims are also manipulated into feeling that they are not worthy of the relationship with the abuser. Victims of emotional abuse come to feel they could not function without their abuser and that they are not capable of being on their own. They may be reprimanded by their abuser for asking simple questions, or told they are ignorant or unattractive. Victims of emotional abuse are often the targets of name calling, degradation and embarrassment.

At its extreme, emotional and psychological abuse can take the form of starving and isolating the victim--with isolation being the more common occurrence in a domestic setting. Many victims of emotional and psychological abuse are not permitted to leave their homes, answer their doors or telephones, shop or even attend a child’s school function. The abuser will control where a victim goes, who he or she visits with, and who the individual is allowed to interact with within their own extended families.