Just so everyone is aware this is a blog about my life with an ex who did many things wrongs to me (and eventually the children)
I NO longer lead my life anything like the posts are talking about.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Into the end....
As I snorted up that pink glassy stuff, I thought my nose was going to burn off my face. I remember everyone there thought it was hilarious to see this 18 year old, lean up from that mirror and say oh GD. I immediately got the nickname Hoover. I guess they thought I was lying about all of my experiences with cocaine back in Florida. I didn't do anymore that night... But over the next few months of 98,, I dabbled more and more.
Jack would want to get high, so I'd be like heck yea, lets do it. I so just wanted to see him happy and he was the happiest when he was high. New Years Eve that year was GREAT!! Biggest party we'd ever had. We'd sneak to the bathroom and do a line or two and then back to the party we went. Many memories from that night.
We really didn't fight to much back in the first months of our relationship... oh but the fights were to come. (and over lil shit, like dishes or food) It was around February of 99 that we were living in Union City. We were in Jackson every chance we'd get, partying and just having the time of our lives (so I thought). I met so many people. Jack seemed to know everyone, and he was so protective (OBSESSIVE) of me. If we were out in public, I constantly had to be within eye sight. I had to be seen but not heard. All of which I thought was perfectly normal. (with growing up the way I did,, that was normal to me) Around July of 99, Jack and I went up to happy chandlers to look at the lake. We went on odd drives often... That was the first time I went skinny dipping , and we had sex while in the water. Little did I know, I would end up pregnant. I was a stupid teenager. Blindly in love and willing to do anything to make our relationship work.
I didn't start my period in August, and I went straight to the Agape house one day while Jack was sleeping. Sure enough I was pregnant. I was 19. I went to the apartment and woke him up and he took me to the store, where we bought 6 more pregnancy tests and sure enough, they all came back as positive. So I made a Dr.'s appt. The first time I heard the heart beat it changed my world. No longer did my life revolve around Jack, but instead it revolved around this little creature growing inside of me. That made Jack so mad, he was so jealous of the baby that wasn't even here yet. About 3 months into the pregnancy, Jack and I started fighting so bad. He would get mad and push me. He'd get angry and hit me in the belly. At one point he pushed me down the stairs, I went straight to the er. The heartbeat remained strong. He was so jealous. I should've seen what was coming, but I was blind....
Jack would want to get high, so I'd be like heck yea, lets do it. I so just wanted to see him happy and he was the happiest when he was high. New Years Eve that year was GREAT!! Biggest party we'd ever had. We'd sneak to the bathroom and do a line or two and then back to the party we went. Many memories from that night.
We really didn't fight to much back in the first months of our relationship... oh but the fights were to come. (and over lil shit, like dishes or food) It was around February of 99 that we were living in Union City. We were in Jackson every chance we'd get, partying and just having the time of our lives (so I thought). I met so many people. Jack seemed to know everyone, and he was so protective (OBSESSIVE) of me. If we were out in public, I constantly had to be within eye sight. I had to be seen but not heard. All of which I thought was perfectly normal. (with growing up the way I did,, that was normal to me) Around July of 99, Jack and I went up to happy chandlers to look at the lake. We went on odd drives often... That was the first time I went skinny dipping , and we had sex while in the water. Little did I know, I would end up pregnant. I was a stupid teenager. Blindly in love and willing to do anything to make our relationship work.
I didn't start my period in August, and I went straight to the Agape house one day while Jack was sleeping. Sure enough I was pregnant. I was 19. I went to the apartment and woke him up and he took me to the store, where we bought 6 more pregnancy tests and sure enough, they all came back as positive. So I made a Dr.'s appt. The first time I heard the heart beat it changed my world. No longer did my life revolve around Jack, but instead it revolved around this little creature growing inside of me. That made Jack so mad, he was so jealous of the baby that wasn't even here yet. About 3 months into the pregnancy, Jack and I started fighting so bad. He would get mad and push me. He'd get angry and hit me in the belly. At one point he pushed me down the stairs, I went straight to the er. The heartbeat remained strong. He was so jealous. I should've seen what was coming, but I was blind....
Meth,, the one thing I'd never do... Yes that was me. My morals did matter some to me. But I suppose that Jack mattered more. When the ultimatum of trying it or losing him came around,, I was quick to listen (obey was more like it.) I was quick to become one of those people who just bowed down to Jack. At that point in my life I didn't see it as weakness, but as loyalty and love. But real love never asks you to do anything you aren't willing to do in the first place....
I'm going to back up to the first time I found out Jack did meth. I had noticed that he'd stay up odd hours, didn't eat much,, but I didn't put two and two together. I was blindly in love. A teenager with high hopes of this older guy. I thought Jack hung the moon... He could do no wrong (but he did a lot of wrong)... It was not long after we got together and we were just hanging out... maybe end of October of 98. It was a warm day (but not to warm) for fall and Jack and I had gone over to his sisters that day. He was sweating ~ wearing a tank and shorts and I was freezing wearing a t shirt, one of his long sleeve shirts and jeans. I thought his sister was a bit odd, but it was his sister so I tried to give her a chance. It was that day that he brought up trying it with him, but I said no and he didn't press the issue (at least not that day). I watched as he snorted up this glassy pink stuff and thought I'll never do that. I immediately noticed his sex drive increase, but even at 18 I couldn't keep up. That was the first day Jack told me he loved me... But looking back,, I think it had something to do with the fact that I had just given the longest blowjob of my life. (around 7 and a half hours worth-- he was proud of that too,,, used to tell his buddies and I used to think shit like that was normal).
Around Thanksgiving of 98 (after many weeks of him pestering me - meth will give us a better sex life, it will help us connect on a deeper level, blah blah blah), we were hanging out with some friends and they were all getting high (remember I had tried/done nearly everything in high-school). I remember thinking to myself, I'm never going to do that. Jack walked me into the bathroom of that trailer and looked me dead in the eyes and told me I needed to try it. I refused,, he got closer to my face and said "Aimee, Try it or you need to leave and we are done", He led me back out of the bathroom, and pointed to the dresser where he'd laid out a good two inch line... It was pink and glassy but yet fluffy at the same time. I remember looking at the girl that was there and she shook her head (as if to say you better do it) I glanced at the guy that was sitting beside her and he just smiled. I looked up at Jack and said "No, I don't want to" and he pointed at the door. So I took the rolled up money, and leaned forward... in a way, I guess into the end I leaned....
I'm going to back up to the first time I found out Jack did meth. I had noticed that he'd stay up odd hours, didn't eat much,, but I didn't put two and two together. I was blindly in love. A teenager with high hopes of this older guy. I thought Jack hung the moon... He could do no wrong (but he did a lot of wrong)... It was not long after we got together and we were just hanging out... maybe end of October of 98. It was a warm day (but not to warm) for fall and Jack and I had gone over to his sisters that day. He was sweating ~ wearing a tank and shorts and I was freezing wearing a t shirt, one of his long sleeve shirts and jeans. I thought his sister was a bit odd, but it was his sister so I tried to give her a chance. It was that day that he brought up trying it with him, but I said no and he didn't press the issue (at least not that day). I watched as he snorted up this glassy pink stuff and thought I'll never do that. I immediately noticed his sex drive increase, but even at 18 I couldn't keep up. That was the first day Jack told me he loved me... But looking back,, I think it had something to do with the fact that I had just given the longest blowjob of my life. (around 7 and a half hours worth-- he was proud of that too,,, used to tell his buddies and I used to think shit like that was normal).
Around Thanksgiving of 98 (after many weeks of him pestering me - meth will give us a better sex life, it will help us connect on a deeper level, blah blah blah), we were hanging out with some friends and they were all getting high (remember I had tried/done nearly everything in high-school). I remember thinking to myself, I'm never going to do that. Jack walked me into the bathroom of that trailer and looked me dead in the eyes and told me I needed to try it. I refused,, he got closer to my face and said "Aimee, Try it or you need to leave and we are done", He led me back out of the bathroom, and pointed to the dresser where he'd laid out a good two inch line... It was pink and glassy but yet fluffy at the same time. I remember looking at the girl that was there and she shook her head (as if to say you better do it) I glanced at the guy that was sitting beside her and he just smiled. I looked up at Jack and said "No, I don't want to" and he pointed at the door. So I took the rolled up money, and leaned forward... in a way, I guess into the end I leaned....
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