Meth,, the one thing I'd never do... Yes that was me. My morals did matter some to me. But I suppose that Jack mattered more. When the ultimatum of trying it or losing him came around,, I was quick to listen (obey was more like it.) I was quick to become one of those people who just bowed down to Jack. At that point in my life I didn't see it as weakness, but as loyalty and love. But real love never asks you to do anything you aren't willing to do in the first place....
I'm going to back up to the first time I found out Jack did meth.  I had noticed that he'd stay up odd hours, didn't eat much,, but I didn't put two and two together. I was blindly in love. A teenager with high hopes of this older guy. I thought Jack hung the moon... He could do no wrong (but he did a lot of wrong)... It was not long after we got together and we were just hanging out... maybe end of October of 98. It was a warm day (but not to warm) for fall and Jack and I had gone over to his sisters that day. He was sweating ~ wearing a tank and shorts and I was freezing wearing a t shirt, one of his long sleeve shirts and jeans. I thought his sister was a bit odd, but it was his sister so I tried to give her a chance. It was that day that he brought up trying it with him, but I said no and he didn't press the issue (at least not that day). I watched as he snorted up this glassy pink stuff and thought I'll never do that. I immediately noticed his sex drive increase, but even at 18 I couldn't keep up. That was the first day Jack told me he loved me... But looking back,, I think it had something to do with the fact that I had just given the longest blowjob of my life. (around 7 and a half hours worth-- he was proud of that too,,, used to tell his buddies and I used to think shit like that was normal).
Around Thanksgiving of 98 (after many weeks of him pestering me - meth will give us a better sex life, it will help us connect on a deeper level, blah blah blah), we were hanging out with some friends and they were all getting high (remember I had tried/done nearly everything in high-school). I remember thinking to myself, I'm never going to do that. Jack walked me into the bathroom of that trailer and looked me dead in the eyes and told me I needed to try it. I refused,, he got closer to my face and said "Aimee, Try it or you need to leave and we are done", He led me back out of the bathroom, and pointed to the dresser where he'd laid out a good two inch line... It was pink and glassy but yet fluffy at the same time. I remember looking at the girl that was there and she shook her head (as if to say you better do it) I glanced at the guy that was sitting beside her and he just smiled. I looked up at Jack and said "No, I don't want to" and he pointed at the door. So I took the rolled up money, and leaned forward... in a way, I guess into the end I leaned....